Just Buttiful

So, It Happened Like This is filled with stories.  Some are unbelievable.  Many of them may help you to conjure up a memory or two of your own.  All of them are real.  This story is not in the book, but maybe it should've been. 

Some blogs will come with a photo.  This one, unfortunately, will not.  

Imagine a moment.  You are standing in the kitchen of your home, the blinds are open over the sink.  Since you're renting a home on an island, the kitchen is on what is technically the third (top) floor.  It's 4:45 and your middle daughter has joined you.  She's now living most of the time on her own and needs more moments like this!

We're dicing this and slicing that.  Life is good.  Laughter is in the air as the youngest has two friends over for a sleepover.  It is an estrogen filled home, as the nearest testosterone is taking a catnap on the sofa.

Breaking into this magical moment is my daughter's voice.  
"Mom, is that a butt?"

How do you answer that?  No, it's a breast.  We were cooking chicken.

As I'm searching to understand her, I notice that she's gazing out of the kitchen window.  I approached, took a look out at the neighborhood below and BAM!  There it was!  An actual BUTT!

This is one of the joys of beach living - tourists!  We've woken up to late night parties, a hefty game of corn hole, the joy of one visitor jumping the fence at midnight and swimming in an unoccupied rental unit's pool, but this?

Across the street is a million dollar home.  MUCH nicer than my rental, but I'm certainly not complaining.  This million dollar home is up on stilts, each encased nicely and trimmed out in wood.  A beautiful two-story with a pool on the side.  There is a deck across the front and a tiny deck, up high, with a spiral staircase to a sunning deck that must give you a bird's eye view of the Gulf of Mexico and the sound.  I digress.

Underneath the house is nothing, just the well finished pillars.  The only thing between those pillars and my kitchen window are a few oleanders that could use a lot more leaves.  

I looked, saw nothing, until all of a sudden, a butt appeared from around one of the pillars!  A young man, thankfully athletic and fit, was showering in the outdoor rinse-off-only shower and my 20 year old daughter had a front row seat!  Front row of the balcony, but still!!

We watched for a few minutes, I'm not going to lie to you.  Then I recalled the other three girls in the house who were 16 and 17!  Time to wake my husband.  

I went over to Paul, nudged him awake and asked him to please go across the street and let the naked young man who was showering there know that the home he was renting had indoor plumbing.  His response?  As he rolled over he said, "I'm not going over there.  Call the police if you want."

Call the police?  Really?

All I knew is that I wasn't going over there.  I certainly wasn't sending any of the girls.  Thankfully three were unaware, so far, as to what was happening.  So what did I do?  I went back to the window to see if he was gone.  Soon enough, he was clean, toweled, and indoors.  Whew, crisis averted.

The cooking lesson continued.  I went to the sink to rinse a veggie or two and BAM!  

"Is that another butt?" I asked.

My daughter came over and sure enough, young male #2 was showering.  What in the world?!  I could hardly believe my eyes (that were strangely enough unable to turn away).  

The sound of laughter and play started filtering in through the back door.  On the street behind me were kids on scooters at play.  Minding their business in this family friendly neighborhood.  Unaware of the sights that they were about to behold, if they took two left turns.

"Hello.  Yes.  Police?  I need some help over here.  I don't want to get anyone in trouble.  I certainly don't want a ticket issued, butt (I mean but) there are confused visitors across the street.  They are showering outside.  Naked!  They've also used the front fence as a latrine.  Could someone please go over and let them know that the million-dollar home that they are renting has indoor plumbing?"

They assured me that an officer would be sent out.  I went back to cooking.  He went back to showering, not that he had stopped.  Life continued.  

Unfortunately he finished his shower before the police arrived.  Makes it seem like a lame story.  Right?

Nope!  Where there are two fit young men who need a shower, there are three! 

Bachelor number three assumed the position.  Butt naked, exposed easily to four homes, mine being the one with the worst view.  Then it happened!  A huge police SUV pulled up in front of the neighbor's house.  This was most likely strategic, as there was no way he could have seen the vehicle.  After a few moments, the driver's door opened and out popped a LADY OFFICER!!!  I don't know if that was the luck of the draw or planned, but I burst out laughing, and scorched the chicken.  She calmly walked up the circular drive.  He had his back to her and continued to scrub.  She approached the area where there was a break in the oleanders.  

At this point she is maybe 40 feet away from him.  HE BENT OVER AND DECIDED TO WASH HIS ANKLES!  I kid you not!

She stepped through the first set of pillars and was under the house.  He was still unaware of her presence.  At about the ten foot mark, she spoke.  

He jumped to attention and then in a cartoon style, seemed to walk on his toes in an exit-stage-left fashion, over to the comfort of his towel.

The rest is uneventful, except to my youngest.  The officer asked him to go upstairs and get dressed.  She followed him up the staircase that led to the front deck and entry.  She waited while he changed and he returned with someone who appeared to be his significant other.  They listened to the officer.  A lot of head shaking was going on.  The girlfriend/fiancé/wife didn't let him have it until after the officer left and the glass front door was closed. 

Moral of the story?  This would be a great place for you to comment.  You finish the story.  What is the moral?